I cried when my home pregnancy kit tested positive. I was so ready until you really knocked deep down my uterus. I suddenly felt overwhelmed by the very idea of having a small tiny baby in my hands within next few months & becoming a mother who is supposed to be right at every step, at every task that she does. What if I fail at being a mother?
Somehow your father helped me gather my faith in myself. He was insanely happy, of course, like we just had hit a jackpot. Within few days, I was back to normal. It was you, you and only you in my every thought, in my every smile that was without a reason. I never felt so happy in my life.
Throughout the first trimester I felt like a zombie. I would get up with nausea and moving my head from left to right would make me like I am going to vomit. I don’t know how I managed to develop a software during that time. I never felt so helpless. You hated everything I ate. I would just stare at my plate in the office canteen for good 5-10 minutes to gather some courage to eat few bites. You seem to like only water.
The second trimester was like a cool breeze on a summer evening. You were doing good. I was happy, eating, walking & working effortlessly. I registered at every mom & baby related website/app. Your father & I, would hardly talk about anything but you. We planned a babymoon too, but it could not materialize due to our work commitments.
The last days of my pregnancy were the most difficult ones as they are supposed to be. Every morning I would promise my self, this is the last day that I was going to office. It was becoming so hard to get up from my office chair and rush to washroom every hour to pee since you were so big by that time. Somehow with false promises made to myself, I managed to complete my eight months.
I stayed at home during the last month of my pregnancy, every day anticipating you would be in front of my eyes, any day, any hour, any minute. But you decided to stay inside little longer. You did not show up on the day of my expected delivery date. There was no sign either.
One day I was really sick, I had fever and constant pain in my lower abdominal, and not for a single time it occurred to my mind, that the time might have come.
The following evening your father and I finally headed to the hospital, we already had chosen for you. The doctor said that I was ready to deliver you. The whole night passed, I was induced with artificial pain, I bore the pain till the late morning of next day, but your umbilical cord got stuck in your neck, and you were not able to come to the world natural way.
Doctors gave up, said it was risky to wait for more time. I must get a C- Section ASAP. I said yes, your father said yes, your grand mother said No. But for the first time in life, I dismayed your grand mother and was getting an epidural at my lower back after 15 minutes.
I was alone & cold in the operation theater, the anxiety struck again. I wanted to run away & wanted to quit. Then I started loosing my breath, since I was not feeling my chest due to the increasing effect of the epidural. I screamed for help, someone tried to place an oxygen mask over my mouth but that was suffocating too. I felt so helpless as I was not able to move my body. And then I was informed, the baby was out.
“My baby is out?”… ” Why am not hearing any sound?” …” Why isn’t my baby crying?” I forgot my numbness and feared for some unknown mishap. And then you cried. You were crying out loud, just by your voice & tone, I could tell, it’s a boy.
Then some doctor brought you in front of my eyes after cleaning you up. You were so pink, and fluffed up. The doctor asked, tell me if it’s a boy or a girl. I smiled while tears dropping down my eyes. I whispered, it’s a boy. Aarav, my precious!!!